Dead dog tired

When I was in high school, I hung with a group that I had known since fifth grade. One of the guys in our little circle of strange friends had the most incredible pet stories.
There was the cat who ended up with a broken leg. (The cat had been sleeping on the van when friend's older brother jumped in it and drove off. The cat held on for a while and eventually gathered the strength to peer down into the windshield. The older brother, upon noticing the furry hitchhiker, slammed on brakes. Anyone who has studied Sir Isaac Newton knows that objects in motion tend to stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. They can also surmise that a tree makes a great outside force to act upon a cat whom has flown off the top of a moving van that suddenly stopped moving.)

Then there was his dog that committed suicide. (The dog was known for escaping. There was no fence that could hold him. He tunneled. He climbed. He even chewed through. In an act of desperation, friend's parents chained him to a very heavy dog house. The chain was quite long to give him maximum freedom in the yard but not get near the fence. The dog then ran around his dog house. Around and around and around...wrapping the loooooong chain. Then apparently, he climbed on the dog house and jumped off. Friend came home to find the poor pet's body. As a side note, if you're in high school and your dog kills itself....you get way more teasing than sympathy.

Then there was Prince...who was dead dog tired. This dog was the laziest dog that any of us had ever seen. He was a Basset Hound with absolutely no get-up-and-go about him. Prince's daily regiment consisted of getting up from his mat and eating his food, pooping, peeing, and then flopping back on his mat the sleep the remaining 23 hours of the day. His preferred sleeping spot was the side door mat. Right in front of the door. Basset hounds are no small creatures, so this dog pretty much blocked all entry to and exit from the door.
Each morning, friend would step over Prince to go to school. He'd reach down and pet him and then fill up his food and water bowl. Then each afternoon, he would come home, pet the old dog's head, step back over him, and go back into the house.
It was routine. It was expected. If you came to visit friend...you had to step over the dog to get in. We all grew used to Prince's location.
The sun rose each day and set each night and Prince slept in front of the door and never moved.

So one day, friend starts his day...steps over, pets the dog and notices that the food is still there. Friend shrugs his shoulders and goes on to school. At the end of the day, he pets and steps over the dog and then goes back into the house. The next day, on the way out the door, friend notices that once again....the food bowl has not been touched. Again, high school boy that he was...he shrugged and petted the dog, stepped over, and off he went again. Third day...repeat of the previous days.

(Yes, I'm going right where you think I am.)

The next day, friend comes to school all sad looking. He had this terrible tale to tell. When he came home the previous day, Prince was not in his usual spot. He was distraught. He hadn't had the best luck with animals. The cat never really recovered from his van experience. But Prince didn't really have the energy to hang himself.
So where was the dog?

Well....friend's mom decided that the dog needed a bath becasue...well...he kind of smelled. That's when the inevitable was discovered.

No one was really sure how long poor Prince had been dead. In fact, the only real difference between dead Prince and living Prince was the amount of dog food he consumed. But it's pretty bad when you've been petting a dead dog for days and not noticed it.

As another friend put it, "That Prince was always Dead Dog Tired."

That's how I'm feeling. Dead dog tired.
Don't forget to pet me as you step over.
Hee, hee, hee.

As a side note: Friend is now married, is a father and successful in his career. It was a long time before he ever owned another pet. I would think that was a wise decision.