Faith

Faith[feyth] –noun
1.confidence or trust in a person or thing
2.belief that is not based on proof
3.belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion
4.belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.
5.a system of religious belief
6.the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.
7.the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.
8.Christian Theology. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved.

I am not a religious person but I am a very spiritual person. I'm not the person who leads prayer and I very seldom discuss God or faith at all. But I do have great faith. My faith is defined by two things.

Oddly enough, a college class was the first impetus that defined my faith. I was a biology major who was forced to take elective classes for my degree. I had managed in the previous 3 years to take elective that had some science background or, at the very least, were interesting to me. But now I was forced to take a "philosophy" type class. I chose a course called "Dialogs of Reason and faith" that was taught by a theologian PhD. I can't even remember the man's name but it turned out to be one of my favorite classes and the only one that has served me daily.
He reasoned that there were four types of people: Faith includes reason, Reason includes faith, Reason excludes faith, and Faith excludes reason.

I determined that, even though I was a scientist at heart and mind, as a Christian...my Faith excluded reason. I believe because I believe. He says He has a reason for all things, so I believe it. He says that we shall have everlasting life, so I believe it.
I don't seek out answers.
I don't seek out proof.
I don't pray for things to happen or not.

Where am I going with all this?

A friend knew of our recent diagnosis and sent me a link to a website for support.
From that website:

If you are the parent of a child with autism, you know the agonizing pain of the shock, grief, distress, and even the hopelessness that can grip your soul. If you are a friend or family member of someone with a child with autism, you may well have spent time trying to comfort or bring clarity to a grieving parent. And in the midst of the dark night, one question burns in our spirits: Where is God?

That perplexed me. I have had many questions as a parent. I have grieved for losses real and imagined. But I have never had the question: Where is God?
Never.
Not once.
Why? Because I believe. I don't have faith in God because he has given me a wonderful husband and four blessed children.
I have faith because I faith. I need no proof, no miracles, no answered prayers.

More than once, I have been asked how I can handle homeschooling the 5 boys with my husband off to war. How do I handle the eight hours of scheduled therapy each week with all the extra home therapy? How do I handle the needs of two special needs children and all the extra stuff we do? How do I do it all?
The answer...I don't.

Most times, I just trust that it will work out. That there is a reason for all things, even if I'm never told what that reason is. I pray to be reminded of that when I forget. I pray that those I love will be reminded. And I, most importantly pray to thank God for His gifts.

In the early 90's, I got an impromptu invitation to hear Maya Angelou speak. She was vibrant woman. The poet Laureate spoke of being a woman, about growing up poor and disrespected, and about rising above all the things that you allow to hold you down.
It was an electrifying 90 minutes.
But the part that has stayed with me it this:
Ms. Angelou told a story of her childhood about a summer spent with an aging patriarch. The young Angelou was hot and miserable and let her hostess know about her discontent.
"You know child," the matriarch replied, "there are people all over God's great Earth that won't be rising this morning. They would give all they ever had for just five more minutes of all your troubles."

I'm reminded of that at therapy each week. It's why I seldom complain about my children's needs. I know for a fact that there are many parents who would gladly trade for my troubles.
I see how blessed I am.

Do I have troubles? Yes. Everyone does. God never promised us a life on Earth without trouble. But I can't get lost in those problems. I can't let them be what defines who I am.
Has He blessed me? Yes, every minute but even if He didn't, I would still have faith.