I have not fallen off the face of the earth.

I have been busy battling the state. This means that I am just standing precipitously close to the edge but I still have not fallen off... yet.

As some of you know, my 4 year old is a special needs child. He has dyspraxia, apraxia of speech, sensory integration disorder, and developmental delays. He is not autistic. I work with him every day with the advice from his therapists and he has $2000 in therapy each month to try to bring him up to speed. Our insurance pays for the first 20 visits and our son qualified for Medicaid for disabled children which paid for the rest.
Well, they used to.
The state has recently denied him Medicaid. Apparently, being a four year old child who is at 20 months ability in speech and in the 2% in preschool abilities is just not disabled enough to matter. It would seem that, I need to wait until he is a young adult who can not, speak, write, or dress himself before the state views him as "qualified for services." Of course, by then it will be too late to do anything about it.

I am fighting it.

It has been especially hard because all the letters I am collecting to fight the state bring up things that I just haven't thought about before. What if he makes no further significant gains?

What if he is 16 years old and can't zip his pants or tie his shoes. What if he can never carry on a conversation with adults? What if he never learns to write or read? How will he drive a car if he can not judge dangerous situations? How will he hold down a job if he can't tell where he is in space or how to manipulate objects? Will he be able to cook a meal if he can't even use a fork?

I know it's a worst case scenario. I know he's only 4 and no one can tell what progress he will make. I've just never thought of much past next month or next year. I've never entertained the thought that he would be anything other than a productive citizen, father, and husband possibly with a mild speech problem and some reading slowness.

It just never occurred to me

Now that it has...I'm all set to fight the state. My letters are written, copied and prepared to certified mailed. My letter to the Governor is ready. I've already drafted another to his Director of the Council of Developmental disabilities.

I am fighting, not for myself, but for one little guy who doesn't have the voice or ability to fight.
He just happens to be my son.

A man on our support list once wrote, "Apraxia took my voice and a world that equates muteness with ignorance took everything else."

My child will not have that experience.
Not while I'm still standing.