"I'm almost 5."
That's what A told me. The boys who is "almost 5" just turned 4 at the end of June."When will I get to sleep on the top of a bunk bed?'
When you are 6, little man. That's the rules. It's even printed on the new bed.
"Oh, but what happens if I get stuck at 4?"
Stuck at four?
I can wish can't I?
How do I explain to a little boy who can't wait to be bigger, that I wish time could just slow down a bit. That I would take a few more hours in the day or a few more weeks in the year.
What I wouldn't give just to stop time for a while so I could enjoy these boys just as they are for just a little longer. To keep them 9, 6, 4, and 2 for just a while. Because I know that all too soon they'll be 29, 26, 24, and 22.
And though I will love those no-so-little men just as much, I'll mourn the loss of my little children. The funny things they say. The way they entertain each other with a couple of rolled up posters. The little boy hugs which are unlike any other gift on the earth.
Stuck at this very moment. Is it terrible to wish for such a thing?
Or course the boys will grow up. They'll become husbands and fathers.
Maybe one day, A will hold his own little four-year-old son who is wistfully wishing to be older. Maybe at that moment he will remember when he was four with the same wish. Maybe he will remember how I looked at him with tears welling up and said,
No, you won't get stuck at 4. You'll grow up and be a big like Daddy one day.
But don't grow up too soon.
And at that moment he will finally understand just how much I love him.
2 comments:
So true and I can so relate... so many times I've just felt as if I've wanted time to stop where it is and keep us all the same age with no changes - I look at photos when mine were babies and I have no idea where the time went... I can barely remember the way life was when they were little... seems like a life time ago....
Oh, did you have to make me cry???? :)
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