Crawling out of my pity puddle.

I'm really not much of a whiner. But every now and then I dig myself out a nice little hollow and cry it full so I can wallow in it. It's comforting for a bit. But after I'm covered in my own pitifulness I look at how filthy I am and think to myself..."Well, that accomplished nothing. What are you doing this for?"

sigh

Maybe it's because ZooDad is in Germany and I can't talk to him like I'm used to. Maybe it's the fact that standardized testing is rapidly approaching and I am feeling the crunch...though I know we aren't "behind." Maybe it's the stress of getting M assessed for OT and speech or redoing A's Medicaid waiver for disabled children. Maybe it's the fact that I just shelled out $100 on an stupid ER visit because a cut on my stupid foot got infected and I have to take these stupid antibiotics for a week.
Maybe its just PMS.

But I can't publicly wallow in my pity. I can't actually voice my frustration. They'll just try to make it better or worse....I'll open the door for them to comment of my life choices. Yes, I know I do too much. Yes, I know A requires a lot of one-on-one time. Yes, four kids is a lot of work. Yes, I know homeschooling, cub scouts, basketball, my rubberstamp business, my web work, and my hobbies all take up a lot of time.
I know this.

But I'm not giving any of it up. Why should I have to? My life brings me more joy than stress. The things I do, I do for my huband, my sons, or for myself. Which part is too much? Which part is worth giving up?

None of it.

Wait

I'll give up the PMS. That part is not worth it.