The power of "No."

To prepare for the big move, I've had to drop most of my responsibilities.
Those who know me in real life know that I am a "do-er." If something needs to be done.... I do it.
Over the years I have racked up a lot of experiences that I can keep on my resume.

I've been cub scout den leader, advancement coordinator, popcorn kernel, treasurer, cub master and Boy Scout Merit badge counselor. I've planned camp outs, Blue and Gold banquets, sold popcorn, decorated parade floats, and sang more songs than I can count.

I've planned fundraisers and carnivals. I've taught co-op classes and private lessons. I've coordinated field trips, social activities, and achievement testing.
I've baked, crafted, and hauled kids around for events.
I even ran a food drive for several years.

Any need, at any time.... If you asked me to do something, my answer was always "Sure."

With the move, I've had to stop. I've had to say no. "No," does not come easy for me.. I know I can't do it all but the guilt I feel is immense. It just goes against my nature to watch and not help. It feels selfish.

But I am learning the power of "no."

I'm learning that other will step up if the usual people aren't available. I'm learning that events will fail if people aren't that interested in participating....and that's ok. I'm learning that taking personal responsibility away from people does not serve them in the long run.
I'm also learning to be selective in choosing to do things that benefit our family.

ZD said that it was time to "shake the blanket" and give me time to relax. He's a wise man that ZooDad. He respects the power of "no."

I promise that we are very responsible...

it's been a sad zoo here this fall. At least for the pets here. In September, Toadie...the little frog that we raised from a tadpole, died all of a sudden during a habitat cleaning.
Cobb was in charge of cleaning and blamed himself and something that he must have done wrongly. I finally convinced him that he was in no way responsible and that 3 year-old frogs do sometimes die.

Then a couple of weeks later, our old dog Stamper passed away in his sleep. This was the dog that ZD and I found on our wedding night. He had parvo and we had to postpone our honeymoon to get medical care for him. He was our first "little boy" and we had in in our lives for 16 years. Matty was the one who found him and was horribly upset. Making matters worse was that Cobb was off at his Order of the Arrow Ordeal camp out and came home to help bury his favorite pet.
It was such a sad day.

Unfortunately, it delayed a decision that ZD and I had made about our other 16-year-old dog, Angel. Little girl was having a really tough time before Stamper died. Afterwards, she was just totally lost. She didn't eat. She paced around the yard all day and most of the night. She was confused most of the time. When she finally stopped drinking unless one of the boys put her nose in her bowl, we decided that the inevitable had come. The older two boys went with ZD to the vet's office to spend a few more minutes with her without pain and pet her as she took her last breath.

We buried her beside her partner for 15 years in the yard where they had spent 12 years of their lives.

Now....as a final blow...we are missing a cat. Chloe got out of the house somehow on Monday night and we haven't seen hide nor hair of her. She is spayed and micro chipped but she didn't have a collar because she wasn't supposed to be outside. She had lived for 18 months as a stray and had been spending a lot of time trying to get outside.
I home she comes home soon. She is the most loving and cuddly cat I have every seen.

Thankfully, we still have Mango cat. Unfortunately, she can't stand us.

All done camping....until January

Whew....our marathon of camping has finally come to an end. I finally can relax and not wonder if we have enough AAA and D batteries.
As much as I love being out in the wilderness, there is a point that it just gets to be too much. We had two camp outs in September, three in October, and two this month.
And the weekends that we weren't camping were consumed with other scout stuff.

Speaking of "other scout stuff," that too is coming to a close. I will be stepping down as cub master for our pack so I can start getting ready for the big move. I'm also doing less stuff with the troop and less volunteering in general. It's all part of cutting ties and tying up loose ends that is part of changing duty stations.

I have five and a half months....give or take a week. And thankfully only about 6 camp outs to do during that time.

2nd day of a new start

It was a tough 1st quarter for the boys in the zoo...and for their teacher too. We just couldn't get it all together and get it all done.

But this quarter we are turning over a new leaf and I'm am prioritizing my life in general. I'm dropping a lot of my extra responsibilities, farming them out to other people. And I'm putting my emphasis on my family first. Somehow they've gotten pushed to the back and that is where they never should be.

After this weekend, I will be just about done with all of my main outside duties and I won't be signing up for any new ones. I have four boys to educate, a family to pamper, a house to prepare to sell, and I have to find a new home 1500 miles away. I think that's more than enough to keep me busy.

And if I do have some urge to do more...I can knit.

camping.....again

Today I am packing for Scout camp. It will be my second trip this month. I'll be camping again next week and then twice more in November.

Thankfully, I enjoy camping and I have all the supplies I need to make the weekend comfortable and enjoyable. I'm also pretty good at lugging all my own supplies and setting up my own tent all by myself.

But if you'd told high school me that I would someday be a mother of 4 boys, homeschooling them, and spending at least one weekend a month out sleeping in a tent at Scout camp.....I would have laughed in your face.

Me???? Camping out in the woods???? Without a curling iron? Crazy.

Friday's journal

Three things I was supposed to do today but didn't:

1. pay bills
2. fold clothes
3. clean out my car

Three things I did get done today that were really important:

1. get Cobb ready for camp
2. hug all of the boys at least twice
3. help my husband with work

Three things that I did even though I didn't want to:

1. cooked meals
2. removed a big dead praying mantis
3. allowed an obnoxious kid to hang out on my porch

Three things I am thankful for today:

1. my patient husband
2. my children who do not sway from the path on which they were raised
3. being able to homeschool
   

It's all scouts, all the time.

Cobb, in the colorguard at summer camp in front of almost 1000 people. Only 16 boys from 2 troops were chosen to have this honor.

I have a Star Scout, a Second Class Scout, a Junior Webelos, and a Wolf Cub. I'm Cub Master of our pack, a leader trainer for both the District and the Council, a merit badge counselor for the troop and an active scout parent.
All this means that we have scouts all the time. Every day I am doing something for scouts.

Let's just look at this week.

Monday was a troop meeting for two of the boys. Tuesday was a committee meeting for our pack. Today, I am meeting with a couple of boys for the Environmental Science Merit badge. Tomorrow, I have to get emails ready to send out about pack events, popcorn sales, and leader training. Friday, I take oldest boy to his Order of the Arrow Ordeal. And Saturday, we have a Webelos Den meeting. And I need to swing by the Scout shop and get a new uniform shirt and more patches to sew on.

And that's just this week. In October we have scouting events every single weekend...including 3 camp outs. And that's on top of den meetings, troop meetings, and merit badge classes.

I love it though.

There is nothing more satisfying than watching little boys become young men.

This month's Scouting Character Trait is Responsibility.

Saturday, I watched a group of 4th graders work together to decide on a patrol badge, name, and yell....all without any intervention from the parents.

And they did it in 10 minutes with no fighting, no hurt feelings, and in the end, everyone was happy. They started their athlete badges and had to record their own results on their own papers that they carried around. They didn't ask for help. I spoke with them about the schedule for the upcoming Arrow Quest and they each planned which classes they wanted to do. They are looking forward to patrol cooking.

All the parents were amazed and impressed with their sons' new found Independence.

That's what Scouting does and why I happy spend my time with it.

Excuse me while I freak out a bit

We're moving. Not the blog but the family. ZD is going to PSC (Permanent Change of Station) to Fort Bliss.
I'm trying to be ok with the whole move-to-the-desert-away-from-all-my-beloved-green-plants thing. Every time I get sort of ok, the man moves the date.

In August, we thought we would move in August, 2011. No problem. That's a year to get ready. Cool.
At the first of September, the date changed to mid July. Hmmm...ok, 10 months. I can get a lot done in 10 months.
A week later, the date moved to mid June. Whoa....mid June is only 9 months. While that's plenty time to grow a baby....it's getting short on time to move a household of 6 and 12 years worth of stuff, 22 hours away from our whole family. Plus that interferes with Scout Summer camp and bridging and co-op and pretty much everything else that we do.

Last night, ZD did it too me again. he spoke with his commanders and worked the actual dates.
May 15 is when he will report.

MAY!!!

I don't even know how to respond to May.

If he comes home today and says "April," my head will explode.

There is a girl.

A new girl has moved into the neighborhood. She lives a couple of houses down, is 13, and is cute and giggly. She also has a little brother who is Matty's age.

She has discovered my 14-year-old son. And more importantly my son has also discovered her. She has been hanging around the house a lot, joining in on the neighborhood play...which is fine. But unlike all the other kids, who ring the doorbell and ask, "Can the BOYS play?" She rings the doorbell and asks, "Can Cobb play?" There are several other teen boys on the street, but mine is the one that she finds most interesting.

Last night, oldest boy asked if he could go down to new girl and boy's house to play on their porch. I'm so used to just letting the kids hang out that I said yes.
Then I realized that my son and a 13-year-old girl were sitting on a porch in the dark.

If you have sons or once were a 13-year-old girl, I know you're feeling the exact same way as I am.

sigh
I am so not ready for this next phase of parenting.

So What's been going on in the Zoo?

It's been 7 months since I've posted. I didn't mean for that to happen but I was overworked and then started dealing with some depression. I didn't realize how bad the depression was until I plotted out exactly how I could end my life and cause as little hardship to my family as possible.

That scared me into talking to my husband and seeking some help. Now, after 2 months of medication and counseling, I'm feeling much more like my normal self. I've learned the value of saying "no" and I've finally accepted that I cannot do it all, nor should I even try.

I know I've disappointed some people in-real-life with my new found selfishness but I'm beyond the point of trying to please everyone to the extent of damaging myself. As ZD put it, my family needs me around way more than any outside person needs me to do some disposable activity.
So the new Sheila is not doing nearly as much as the old Sheila used to and is feeling a whole lot less guilty about what she's not doing.

But I'm ready to get back to sharing the activities of our daily life.
The reader's digest version: I have a new Boy Scout. I went to Boy Scout camp. I spent a week at Cub Scout Day Camp. I camped. I camped. I did scout stuff. We finished the school year and found out that one of the boys has dyslexia. (Which explains the reading problems.) My favorite Uncle passed away due to cancer. We swam a lot. The boys went tubing. I read, I knitted, and I played around with my Cricut. We found out that one of the boys has asthma and that has placed his football career on hold. Another boy finished 6 years of speech therapy.
I made a huge change to our school year by adding Calvert school. (I really enjoy it.) And I started homeschooling a high schooler. (OMG!!! High School!)
Oh....and we just found out where we will be moving next summer. We'll be in sunny El Paso. That's sure going to be a change of pace.

And there was much more but it's all a blur.

Hi Y'all!

I'm back!!!
I accidently took a bit of time off but I am back in action with lots and lots to talk about. Let me get the cobwebs all cleaned out and then I'll be ready to tell you all about the stuff I've been up to.

In Which Sheila is Totally Misunderstood

Anders just entered the room with a 2 liter Dr. Pepper bottle and we had the following conversation.
"Mom, I need you to save me four of these bottles."

"What for?"

"Four, your know, more than three and less than five."

"No, What for?"

"Any four, Coke, Ginger Ale, Dr. Pepper....it doesn't matter."

"I mean, for what use do you want the bottles."

"Ooooooohhhh, I'm making a mannequin. And I need a milk jug. Not the chocolate milk size but the regular milk size."

Communication is tough around here.

Mommy guilt

I recently scored a hank of self-striping Vesper sock yarn. I have been coveting this yarn for a very, very long time but I can never seem to get it. But on this one day I managed to be home when the site updated, remember my pay-pal account info, and find a colorway that I really loved.

I was so happy when the yarn arrived that I left it out as decoration. That's how much I adored it. I planed to knit up some cute striped socks as soon as I finished my February Lady sweater.

That happened last night.
As soon as I wove in the very last end on my sweater, I started winding the hank of my sweet Vesper yarn. I had some trouble with the swift and got a huge tangle. In all it took almost an hour to get the ball wound. But that didn't damper my excitement about my soon to be knit socks. Even discovering that this was hand wash and dry yarn couldn't diminish my love for it.

After another half hour of wrangling, I managed to get the ball split into two even balls and matched up the stripes. Right as I finished up, Anders walked in.

Now this child rarely notices my knitting or yarn in particular. He never comments on what I'm working on. And although he is quite appreciative of what I make for him, he has never come out and asked me to knit anything for him.
Until last night.

Last night, he walked in and went straight to the red, blue, and lime yarn I had just wound, picked up a ball, and asked, "Whose yarn is this? I like this yarn?"
Selfish mother that I am, answered that it was my yarn and then proceeded to cast on 72 stitches for my striped stockinette socks. My dear son who is the most selfless creature I have ever known, didn't seem to be disappointed at all.

However, after 6 rows my mommy guilt kicked in and I ripped out all the rows. I immediately cast on 60 stitches for a smaller foot and knit until bedtime.

He's thrilled at the progress.

Sunday nights as an Army Wife

Every Sunday I wash ZD's ACU's. If you've spent any time around Army soldiers, then you know what I'm talking about.
ACU stands for Army Combat Uniform and they are the newish digital camo uniforms that soldiers wear. They are very different from the old BDU's (Battle dress uniform) that he wore last time he was in the Army.
These are particular and they have Velcro. A lot of Velcro.

Every Sunday, I round up his uniforms and pull all the Velcro patches off them. Then I zip the jackets closed and press down all the Velcro on all the pockets. There are a lot of pockets but there's more Velcro than pockets.
When I finish those tasks, I turn the jackets and pants inside out and wash them on the permanent press setting. Then they dry.
When that's done, it's time to "snap" them to get the wrinkles out and do a little ironing to touch up some of the more stubborn areas.

Then I have to put all the patches back into the right places. ZD teases me because I mumble to myself as I stick everything back where they are supposed to be.
On the left arm, the patch for his current unit... the one he hasn't "left."
On the right arm goes the flag so it's facing forward. Under it goes a combat patch so he's not "light on the right."
Rank on the square in the middle right were it can be seen.
US Army goes over his heart because that's where it belongs. Above that go the Airborne wings.
And then his name is last on the right. Then I hang the completed sets to be worn.

I repeat this several ties until all the uniforms are ready. Unit he hasn't left, flag goes forward, not light on the right, rank in the middle, Army and wings on his heart, last name.
I really don't look forward to all the work involved each week, but I like to think that there are lot of other military wives that are repeating this same ritual all around the world.
And it makes me proud to be part of that.

10 days and floudering

I've decided to delay Christmas this year. I won't be ready by the 25th so I would appreciate it if everyone would just give me a week or so extra. We'll have Christmas for New Year's this year and save us all some trouble.
I think that's a good plan especially for those who would be up for Midnight Mass anyway.

ZD has taken off for a little work related trip. 1o days before Christmas is the perfect time to take off on little work related trips, don't you agree. Especially ones that suck a whole day's worth of productivity away from me.

I did get some entertainment out of watching pack his briefing materials though. As he walked through various rooms collecting all of his supplies, Anders followed him, hot on his heels and talking non-stop. ZD responded vaguely with "reallys" and " yes, I sees" which did nothing but encourage Andrew in his non-stop monologue.
I particularly enjoyed the Doppler effect of the conversation leaving and then re-entering the room. I swear ZD keep moving just to see how long the kid would follow him around.

He says that the boy gets that from me. I don't know where he gets that idea, just because I picked the bathroom door so I could continue a conversation once.

I'm not dead, but I am about ready to throw in the towel.

I've spent the past week working on the most most hideous bathroom in the world. It has a skylight....so very high ceilings. It also has wallpaper that was put up over unprimed drywall.
(shudder)
It also has carpet.
(double shudder)

I have the wallpaper down and have finally found the path that will lead to nice smooth tan walls. I also have all the stuff I need to have a beautiful tile floor.
What I'm short on, however, is time. Every moment that isn't spent in our homeschooling, sports, scouts, therapy, family....is spent in the bathroom.

One the floor and walls are done then it's time to move on to stripping the vanity and replacing the faucets and light fixtures.

Aw shoot....I forgot all about the water damaged ceiling that needs to be re-textured and painted and the trim that needs to be repaired around the skylight that caused all this work to need to be done in the first place.

it will get done....it WILL get done....but when is the question.

So.....if I'm not here.....I'm in the bathroom.

The Army Giveth and the Army Taketh Away ... plus some knitting

ZD was all excited about his upcoming change of duty station, even though I was a little reluctant to move to a place where all the "trees" were better classified as tall bushes.

Well the General is not as big a fan of change as ZD is. So the change of duty station is not going to happen for quite some time.
Nope.

So I'm back to wondering if we'll ever end up somewhere that I can wear all those neat hand knit things. I'd love to make some mittens and sweaters that actually have sleeves.
Because I live in the sweltering South, I'm limited in what I can knit and actually wear for more than a two week period in February.

Here's my one and only sweater.

The color is off in this picture. It's really more of a lilac.

The Details: This sweater, which is more like a glorified vest, was knit in the round from the bottom up. (I love that.) It made out of KnitPicks shine which is a cotton. This puppy weighs a ton, but it doesn't stretch out of shape through the day like most cotton knitwear is prone to do.

All in all, I love it. It was fun to knit and looks great on me. I may pick out that that bind off edge at the neckline and do a few more rows of decreases and make the seed stitch trim a little larger. The boat neck is my only beef with the entire pattern. Oh, the pattern is from the Fall '09 issue of Interweave Knits and was simple enough for me to understand.

Here's a little closeup of the heart-shaped cables up the front. These were so much fun after I learned how to cable without a cable needle.

This little seed stitch section in tactically delicious. My niece has requested a sweater made entirely of seed stitch so she can pet it all day.
And since the weather has finally gotten a little cooler, I might be able to wear it for a couple of hours.

An answer about Science and Scouts

LimeGreen's Mom wrote:

I am amazed at the size of your cub pack!! How do you do it? My son's pack
is about 23 registered and 20 coming out on a cub night, and that is a
VERY healthy well attended group where we live. There is just too much
competition with other activities now and the numbers in scouting have gone
down(in Canada).
On another note, I am going through science curriculum
choices and I noticed you went from Singapore to Science Explorer and wondered
if you could tell me your opinion on the programs and why the switch to
Explorer.......and how easy it is to run the labs in both Singapore and
Explorer.
Thanks Zillions,
Robin

Robin,
We're actually not that huge for a pack in this area. There are several with over 100 Cubbies in them. There are 22 packs in our county, one for each elementary school and 2 LDS packs. We have about 20 to 25% participation in most schools. This area is very big on Scouting and I am so fortunate to have the District headquarters and Scout Store about 20 minutes from my house. It sure makes things easier for me. That said, sports are also big in the area which is big competition for Scouting. I just let parents know that it's okay to miss a scout event every now and then. I would rather have the boys in the scouting program than not. If they have to miss meetings for a month due to soccer practice, then Mom and Dad can work on achievements at home.

As for Science,
I use the Singapore Science through 5th grade and then switch over to Science Explorer. I don't have any experience with the middle and high school Singapore Science texts, but I'm sure they are good. I already owned the Science Explorer books and I enjoy them. Of course, every year is different and I may change my mind by the time the younger two get to middle school. But it works for now.

I use Singapore Science for 1st-5th because I think that's the time to teach scientific thinking and how to process and inter-relate information. Singapore is excellent for that. I like that scientific process and reasoning is the emphasis instead of science facts.
For middle school, kids are ready for a more meaty program. They can handle the vocabulary and the heavy science facts. That's when I switch to Science Explorer. I know that it is completely opposite of the Classical education model but it's just my experience from teaching public school, homeschoolers, and my own kids.

As far as running labs, I don't have any problem. But, big caveat here, I have a lot of equipment in my house....even before I started homeschooling.
Space is always an issue because we have to live in this house and I don't have a dedicated homeschool space. But there is always something growing over in a corner and you should check the food containers to make sure the contents are edible and not part of an experiment. (I have some eggs de-calcifying in the fridge at this moment for an osmosis experiment.)

In both programs, it is easy to substitute materials and the experiments themselves are not difficult to perform. Singapore is harder to schedule but easier to use. Science Explorer is easier to schedule but you'll have to write your own tests.

Neither is as easy as BJU or Apologia where everything is all scheduled, planned, and you can buy a materials kit.
But they are both excellent for those looking for a secular science text.

I hope that helps.

A bit of knitting and a lot of corn

I've decided that since this my blog, I'm going to post what I want on it. Which means I'm going to talk about my 4 boys, life in the Army and occasionally I'll talk about why I think home education is great and a little bit of my knitting. I'm also going to continue to delete the cowardly anonymous comments.
Really, if you're going to post nasty comments about a 6-year-old child, at least put on your big girl panties and put your name on your nastiness.

So I knit some stuff.
Actually, I knit a lot of stuff but I've only taken pictures of a couple of lacy things.

Hi ya'll! Here's my first bit of lace. I had never knit a shawl before. Hats, socks, scarves...I even knit a sweater. (It was kind of a cheater sweater. I'll drag out some photos later on.) This particular shawl was great for me because I knit it with sock yarn. And it was ridiculously easy. Other than that, I can't tell you anything else. I can't remember the pattern, the yarn color, or what size needles I used.

Here's my second piece of lace. I can tell you more about this one.

The red yarn is Socks that Rock (Brick) that was double stranded. The multi-color is Noro Iro in some unknown colorway. The pattern is from the Fall issue of Knitty, Colonnade. I knit the red for a few extra rows and knit the multicolor for a few extra rows. I also added extra toggle buttons and totally skipped that i-cord stuff. (The thing has holes in it for the buttons. Why make more.) I wanted this to be more of a poncho than shawl. I figure it will be nice on those "too warm for a coat" days. I totally love it and I'm really glad that I finally found a use for all that Iro.

And what have the boys been up to?

(See, I do discipline them.) We headed out to the Corn Maze with a couple of the cousins. There was much corn, lots of stuff to play on, and many, many little critters to hold and pet.

All the boys want ZD to build a "Corn" box for them to play in.
Matty wants us to install the zip line that we own but is still sitting in a box in the garage.

The oldest one has embraced his naturally curly hair and started using my shampoo. (ZD says he looks like he has a perm.)
Sammy....well, he's being the bold, grab-life-by-the-horns kids that he's always been.

And Anders has decided that he wants to be a farmer. (Good thing we have a farm for him) He has a special affinity to pigs and chickens.

Much fun was had by all.

It's been a few months so it must be time to go camping again.

Yep, We're packing up all the Zoo gear and heading 14 miles up the road to camp at the Lake. Just me, ZD, the boys and 116 other folks from our Cub Pack. And I'm in charge of this little dog and pony show.
Actually, this is my second time camping this month. I'm sure getting my money's worth out of all those supplies.

This camp out is our annual fall camp. With so many participants, we've elected to do our own instead of going to the district sponsored event.

I'm get a little woozy thinking about where I'm going to put all the tents and how much food to buy for the Saturday night dinner. (Which thankfully, I do not have to cook.) We're having spooky games, finishing the Leave No Trace award, having some den time, and eating a criminal number of s'mores.
And just for fun, we're bringing a half-dozen Boy Scouts along to camp with the Webelos II's. They are camping as a patrol and cooking their own meals in a their own little camping areas. The Scouts a little nervous and wildly excited about the whole idea. The parents are just nervous.
We're kind of in denial about the fact that these boys will be full-fledged Boy Scouts in just a few more months. For most of them, this will be their first time they've camped in a tent without Mom or Dad.

I'm packing everything that might be remotely useful. Even the microwave for popcorn. We're Cubbies....we don't have to rough it.