Part one of our day

In my comments last month, a fellow homeschool mom with SN children asked me to describe our day.

That's hard for two reasons. First, I make so many accommodations throughout the day that I don't really notice what I'm doing. So I have to stop and really think about what I do. That brings the second reason...when I stop and think, I'm forced to think what the future will hold for my boys. I'm not in denial about my children but I also try not to dwell on the "what if's" and the "maybe's." I don't have any control over that so I just put my energy on the stuff I can have some effect.

Now the disclaimer: I'm not doing this to elicit any sympathy. Honestly, it's not deserved. I'm doing this because it helps to know that you are not alone. If one person reads this and thinks, "Whew...I'm glad to know that my kid isn't the only one." then I have met my goal. But don't feel bad for me. I don't.

So here's part one of our day:
M is our second child. He's 8 years old and, according to the school system, he should be in second grade. M is however very tall and mature for his age and advanced academically. So when he was 4 (turning 5 after the school year started), he started "kindergarten."
Up until this year, he has had no problem with this accelerated grade. However,third grade has been a problem and he most likely will not move into fourth in the fall.

M also has Asperger's Syndrome, an articulation problem, Sensory Integration Disorder, fine and gross motor issues, and vision problems.
None of this has slowed him down much. He plays soccer, basketball, and baseball for Upward and the Family Y.
Though he will never be the star player, he is involved and enjoys the sports. Baseball is his best sport. Somehow, with no depth perception at all, he manages to get a hit at every at bat. His throwing is weak but the boy can catch.

Each morning, he wakes up last... and grumpy. M has difficulty going to sleep at night and the medication he is taking has stopped being effective. Earlier bedtime has helped a little. Now instead of laying in bed awake from 9pm to 10 pm, he lays in bed away from 8:30pm to 9:30pm.
He has breakfast, either eating something I have made or making waffles for himself. He enjoys the autonomy of making his own breakfast. Then I have to force him to shower, brush his teeth, and put on clean clothes. He his obsessive about his hair, so I never have to remind him to brush it. His clothes are on color-coded hangers and labeled drawers so he can find them easier. Before he gets dressed, I tell him what type of clothes to wear, i.e. shorts, jeans, long/short sleeves because he has trouble selecting appropriate clothes for the weather. He also will not wear a shirt with a collar under any circumstance other than Scouts, church, or a funeral. And even then, he is not happy about it and changes clothes as soon as possible.

Once he is dressed (with no collars) and fed, he starts his daily chores. Now this part sounds totalitarian of me but with four children and 2 with Asperger's we have to have a fairly regulated household. The boys thrive on order and predictability. They also love checklists.
Each boy has a list of chores on a weekly checklist. They have to complete 5 chores without me reminding them and all the rest of the list before they get to play any video games. The chores include putting their dirty dishes in the sink after each meal, getting dressed, brushing teeth, picking up toys. So it's nothing huge. M has to bring down all the boys' dirty clothes, put up his clean clothes, vacuum, empty the dishwasher, and empty all the bathroom trashcans. It takes him about 30 minutes to do everything. Once all the morning chores are done, it's either time for school, time for co-op, or time to go the speech therapy...depending on the day of the week. M has speech at school twice a week.

School day: I make a weekly assignment sheet for each child. My oldest is a very independent worker and M has to know just what is required for each day. He breaks down if he thinks there is is some unknown quantity of work he must finish. Everything is listed: Speech exercises, books to read, # of problems, daily activities. He has to know every detail of what is required and what will happen. The schedule keeps him calm. If anything changes...I have to addend the schedule. If for some reason, I don't have an assignment list, I have to spend a huge amount of time explaining and re-explaining the day.

M has writing problems so we avoid programs like Rod and Staff English, which require a lot of writing. Right now we are using Abeka Language but I am not happy with the directions in the workbook. Many times they are confusing and awkward. But I am happy with the scope and sequence so to accommodate, I highlight the important words and write in my own directions as needed. It is important to me that M learn to work on his own, so I do not sit with him as he works each assignment. We go over the assignment orally until I am confident that he understands the material. Then we go over the directions, making changes as needed, and M does the rest of the examples on his own. When he is finished, he brings his work to me and we go over the answers that he gave and then correct any mistakes.

We do the same thing for math, a combination of Singapore math and MCP math, and all his other workbook-type subjects. Since M's handwriting is so tedious, I do copy his Review problems for him for Singapore Math. For me at this time, doing the math is more important than writing the problems. Spelling is done on his own using Spelling Workout. Last year, he had problems with spelling. This year has been a huge improvement. We follow the same schedule every week: Monday is alphabetizing, on Tuesday and Wednesday he writes all his words once, on Thursday he writes 7 sentences with list words of his choosing.

Spontaneous written language is very had for M. Writing assignments like writing a story or a poem are next to impossible for him. Just making a list of sentences about a picture is difficult. So I am working very slowly to make this easier for him. His speech therapist using computer programs and word cards. We buy the same items to use at home.

Winners so far: No-Glamour Grammar Sentence Structure (works for both my boys) and No-Glamour Language and Reasoning.
Both are available from Lingui-systems.
Home made cards that are based on the 1970's era Folk Sentence Builder. (I am awaiting a gift of a "real" set of these cards. But until then, I just keep plugging away with mine.)
Chewy Tubes from Super Duper...used to help build up his jaw muscles. M also has low muscle tone for his upper body...including his jaw and neck.
Say & Do Grammar Board Games and workbook...though M uses the worksheets more than the board games. His younger brother enjoys the board games.

For handwriting, we use Handwriting Without Tears with moderate success. M is not ready for cursive. He has no where near the control that is needed to make letters flow. So next year, I will continue to use my Startwrite software to make handwriting worksheets. As a tip....I make worksheets based on their science or history notes. It kills two birds with one stone. Why write a series of nonsense sentences when he could copy traits of Mammals or the conquests of Alexander the Great.

Then there is actually dealing with M and his need to know exactly what is going on. Sometimes it really can wear me down. I mean...there's only so many questions you can answer and sometimes you only know a limited amount of information. At one point Saturday, I had to say "Your cousin's party is tomorrow at Planet Extreme. We will leave the house at 3:30. The party is at 4:00. I already have his new video game and it is wrapped. We will have cake and pizza. You will get some number of tokens and get to play laser tag. That's all I know. If you have any other questions...I won't know the answer."To which he asked, "But they'll have bathrooms there, right?" (sigh)
He needs to have as much information as possible. It's how he controls his anxiety. If he knows what is going to happen, he can plan how to act and what to say. If he is unsure of how to react...he breaks down and shuts down.

The more unfamiliar the activity...the more questions he needs answered. But even familiar activities have questions. What game will we play at PE? I know so-and-so will be there...will his brother be there? Where will we go after PE? Can we play after PE? Do you think we will ever have PE outside? How many chances will I get to hit the ball? On and on and on.

One night, I had a nightmare in which the boys were lost. In my dream, a fireman had a child and was on the radio trying to confirm who he was. He said, "He wants to know if the hole will sink in again if it gets filled up." In my dream, I reacted by yelling, "That's my son....that's M!"

And he's literal. Very literal. He can not take one experience and apply it to another. An example which occurred as I was typing this.
Today is day 2 of a big local golf tournament. The news showed the traffic from outside one of the doughnut shops. It was bumper to bumper with very little movement. I commented that no one would get any doughnuts today. (Due to the traffic.) He replied, "But I did." He had those little cake doughnuts for breakfast. He could not see that I wasn't referring to the people in our house or to the type of doughnuts we had had.

"I think a cat's life is boring. They have nothing to do. They just eat, sleep, and drink." A random thought....sparked by fact that he'd rather stare at his sleeping cat than attempt to decode the contractions in is grammar assignment. I may even have been a statement of envy. Since cats don't have to study grammar either.