Wordless Wednesday

Because it's better that I keep my "words" to myself.

We are really classing up the neighborhood this week.

12 years

I'm a little late. But so were you. You had to be forced into the world. And we weren't quite sure what to with you when you got here.
You threw us for a loop at the very beginning. By the time you were four weeks old, you had transformed me into the 'Mama Bear' I am today.
You taught us to be strong advocates for you and your brothers. Pyloric Stenosis. That was scary. Pneumonia. Every scarier. They made the occasional bouts with croup seem like sniffly nose.
You convinced me to quit work and just stay home. It was a choice to keep you healthy and to watch you grow.

And boy you grew. I feel like it was just yesterday that you learned to walk. How did you get so big already?

From the get go, you were always the funniest thing we'd ever known. You have brought us so much laughter. Kid, you are a hoot. You have always been our entertainment.
It was because of you that we started homeschooling in the first place. We just wanted the best for you.
You were patient and you taught us how to be good parents.

And we can't even claim credit for your level of awesome-ness. I don't think we had anything to do with it. We just got lucky. You're so smart. You're creative. You work hard without prodding. You're kind. You're polite. You're the best big brother that any kid could ask for.
I'm so impressed at with the young man that you're turning into. I'm proud of you and I'm proud to call you my son. I don't what I did to deserve such a great kid. But I am thankful.

We have such great faith in you. We know you'll be able to do anything you ever want too. You'll approach every new thing in your way....with hard work, sweetness, determination, creativity, and a good bit of humor.
I don't know what your future holds. You have your own plans and we will do all we can to help you all that you want out of life.
Our first born.....
may you always be content. May you always seek to learn. And may you always love.

News

MIL's surgery went well. She's up and about. She even insisted on spending tonight on her own. I guess she's gotten sick of being "watched over." ZD has to go back down there tomorrow to take her to for her check up.

But today he was home digging a hole. A really big freaking hole. A hole so big that Sam fell into it and couldn't get out.

We look like we're on our way to having a moat. Actually...we kind of are since it is filling with water.
You see, we have a root that has made it's way into a pipe. My sewer pipe.

UGH!

The county came, cleared the line, and stuck a camera in there. That's when we discovered the root.
ZD decided that he would tackle this problem himself.

Of course, ZD had no faith in the County guy's spray painted mark. Noooooo....he had to dig a 6 foot long trench and then take it down 6 inches across.....back and forth.

Where did he find the pipe? About 4 and half feet down...right where the county guy said it was.

sigh

Today he dug the hole and bought the materials. (And griped about the fact that there is 4 inch line and 4.5 inch line. And how you really can't tell the difference without cutting the line.)
Tomorrow, he's cutting the line and hopefully....cross your fingers, pray, sacrifice a chicken for me...he'll get the line repaired.

The Spectrum

Disclaimer: I typed this after watching some TV footage that was emotionally raw for me. The following is just random. Please just bear with me. I try not to be so fatalistic.

I watched Nightline's spot about girls on the Autism spectrum. ABC news will show it again tomorrow at 6 pm EST if you'd like a glimpse of what I'm talking about.

The little girl that they spotlighted was so very much like my son Matthew. I knew immediatly what her mother was feeling. I saw in her so many of the things that I see in him.

The desire to be friendly but the lack of understanding of how to do so. The rigidity. The inflexibility. The world of absolutes...no shades of grey.

Sometimes he seems bossy. It's his way or the highway. But it's just his need for predictability and order. He can't take the chance that something "unknown" might happen.

He tries so hard. Too hard. And then he gets slapped down.

Each time he fails...each time he is hurt....makes him less likely to try again.

But without practice, he'll never figure it out.

It's a vicious cycle.

Some days, I wonder how I can help him and his younger brother. Some days, I wonder if they will ever live a "normal" life. Many days, I feel like a failure and wonder what was going on in mine and ZD genetics that caused this.

Other days, I wonder what the big deal is. I'm oblivious to their faults. The daily things we do to accommodate their needs just blends into our regular day. And I justify my activities by saying that every parent deals with these sort of things.

But that's not true.

Most parents don't have chewy tubes and speech practice books.

Most parents don't buy weights for shoes.

Most parents don't have to feel the bed sheets to see if they are tactile correct.

Most parents don't have to give details of every single activity for the day.

Most parents don't own therapy equipment.

Or buy glasses based on their finger grips and weight.

Or have to reconsider silverware because the shape might be cause someone to be orally defensive.

Or not buy shirt with collars because collars are detestable.

As are shirts with embroidery or patches.

But....right when I'm feeling down I remember that some parents have children on the spectrum are profoundly Apraxic. Some never speak.

Some have severe behavior disorders. Some can be violent when they have tantrums.

Some can not function on grade level. Some can not play baseball on a mainstream team. Some will never learn to ride a bike or drive a car.

So I try to remember to be thankful. That things are not as bad as they could be. And I try to remember that progress has been made. Hope should not be abandoned.

Small steps.....very small steps....will lead somewhere, someday.

And while they will never, ever...ever...be "cured." They might someday be happy. Really happy.

Edited to add: I'm fine really. Every now and then, the big brick wall that I have supporting me finds a little weak spot. Then I'm just left vulnerable for a bit. I've found that if I keep soldiering on...I'll be back against that nice strong section again.

ZD is off again for a few days

His mom needs emergency surgery. I packed him up. Which was quite easy compared to the last time I packed his stuff. Then I sent him on his way.

As he said goodbye, we both had flashbacks to his other departures.

"Just four days," he said...to reassure us both.
"Four days is nothing," I tried to convince both of us.
"You'll be fine, right?" he questioned.

I couldn't help but laugh. Yeah, Hon. I'll be fine for 4 days without you. We're still trying to get used to him being around. 4 days away will be like a little vacation.
I feel guilty but I have to admit that I'm looking forward to a return to the normalcy that we created while he was gone.

Very guilty.

Prayers for MIL, please.

"You're knitting socks!!!"

"Boy, you really don't have anything better to do, do you!"

This was said to me yesterday at my great-nephew's birthday party**. And it wasn't said in a "Wow, you sure are inspiring way."

There were many retorts I could have made about the activities that the speaker chose to do in her time. Most, well all, would have be cruel. So I said nothing except, "I enjoy it" and went back to my knitting.

I found this comment odd since the speaker knew that I am not a sit around kind of person. She knew I homeschooled my four children. She knew that I have 2 children with Asperger's. She even knew that I made the birthday boy's cake. But she felt this need to belittle me for knitting a pair of socks.

So I paused my knitting to check on my four boys and then think about any possible reason she say such a thing.

Why?

Was she offended by knitting? Maybe had some repressed fiber trauma that just exploded out at the sight of my partially finished socks.

Does she have a long term memory issues? Perhaps she actually thought that all I did was sit around knitting.

Maybe she was jealous that she didn't bring anything to do? With no other distractions, she was forced to talk to other adults while ignoring her small toddler who kept wandering off.

Maybe I just offended her? I try not to put some air of "being able to do it all." Because I don't do it all. I just do the things I want to do and few things that I have to do.
My priorities are different.
I care more about baking birthday cakes than I do cleaning my sink for the 5th time in a single day, or cleaning my oven. I am more interested in knitting socks for all my guys than getting my nails done. I'd rather homeschool my own children than spend my days in a classroom teaching a group of children.
I pick to read a book over watching some old Western on TV. (DH doesn't care if I read while he watches TV...as long as we are together.)

These are the my choices. My choices don't automatically negate other people's choices. I honestly don't really care how other people spend their time. I figure that they too make choices of things they want and need to do. And that all those decisions fill up their day just like my choices fill my days.
I can't even say that either one of us uses our time more wisely. Because I don't have any clue. Now, if they start griping about their choices, I may form an opinion. But until then, I'll just assume that you can manage your time planner as well as I can.

And while I'm at it with the venting about comments. "I just don't know how you do it all," is my second most hated statement. (Second only to "Four boys....when are you going to have a girl?") I'm no super woman. I don't do anything special. Please don't make me feel like a freak because the things I chose to do are not the things you choose to do.

One day I'm going to just going to lose my last strand of sanity and I will say, "Well, I don't know how you get all the kids up at 6:30, feed, pack their lunches, and dress them, get dressed yourself, get to school by 8 am and then leave your kids with people you don't even know. Then go to work away from your family all day, pick up the kids from afterschool day care, help them with their homework, cook dinner, clean the house, do laundry, watch TV all evening while your kids watch TV in their rooms away from you, and then go to bed knowing that you'll have to do it all over again tomorrow.
How in the world do you do it all?"

But that would be vicious.


**Great Nephew's party was at one of the indoor, inflatable jumper places. The kids were all buddy-paired and no adults were near me for conversation at that time. My choices were knit in peace or gawk at children who were not mine. I chose to knit.

How do these colors look?

Do they hurt your eyes? Darker background? Lighter background? Lighter lettering? Darker lettering?

My screen colors are a little whack so I do quite see what others do.
Font change? bigger? smaller?

I like the black/green/red for now. Things change. We're fluid.

But what do you think?

R.O.U.S.

Rodent of Unusual Size once roamed the Earth

It’s definitely not a rodent you’d want to wrestle with. A fossil found along the South American coast hints that a beast weighing more than 1,000 kilograms once roamed there. Researchers say that it is the largest rodent known to have existed.

No word on whether they lived in the Fire Swamp.

Nag

Pick up your knight stuff.
Stop chasing the cat.
Quit walking on your toes.
Where are your shoes?
Who left this milk on the table?
Why are there Lego's everywhere?
Quit walking on your toes.
Have you brushed your teeth yet?
Whose book is this?
Did you let the dogs out?
QUIT walking on your TOES!
How did all this stuff get under the couch?
Are you finished with those math problems?
What was that noise?
And quitwalkingonyourtoes!
Don't let that cat do that.
Don't do that to the cat.
Ewwww.....clean that up.
Heels! Heels! Walk on your heels!
Please stop talking so loud.
Why aren't you dressed yet?
Have you brushed your teeth?
No toes! Stop that walking on your toes.
No, you can't have a snack. We just had breakfast.
Is that a dirty shirt?
Are you still working on those math problems?
HEELS!
Don't run in the house.
Whose bike in out in the yard.
No you can't play your DS. You haven't even finished your math.
Heel, toe! Heel, toe!
Don't sit on your brother's head.
I don't care who started it.
How did this get broken.
DON'T WALK ON YOUR TOES!


(sigh) I have become a nagger.
One toe walker was bad enough but now the youngest (with no sensory issues) has picked it up as habit. If this keeps up both will end up at the orthopedic for leg braces.

What constitutes fun at our house.

Hey....there's a nice shot of my horsebutt....Um.... "Ponytail" paint.
That lump under the passel of boys is ZD. I believe he was trying to take a nap before the melee broke out. I'm not sure what the carrying capacity of my couch is....but it had to be very close to maxing it ou when I took this shot.

I am so blessed to have a husband like mine. He is such a good father and mentor. He's a little lax on discipline but he more than makes up for it with his dedication to providing for us. His whole world revolves around us and we know it.

However, don't take him shopping with the boys. I can take him or the boys....but not all of them. ZD behaves quite well in public...by himself. The boys follow rules obediently....when Dad is not around.
But put them together.....and I have to stop, put my hands on my hips, and lay down the law.
When this happens in the very crowded canned food aisle of the commissary, the little gray-haired, retiree wives get tickled at my outright annoyance.

"Bless you honey....they won't be young for long."

Yeah....But it's the biggest one causing the most trouble.

Priviledge

Bold the ones that are true for you.
The list is based on an exercise developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. The exercise developers ask that if you participate in this blog game, you acknowledge their copyright.

If you post this in your blog, please leave a comment on this post. To participate in this blog game, copy and paste the above list into your blog, and bold the items that are true for you. If you don’t have a blog, feel free to post your responses in the comments.

Father went to college
Father finished college
Mother went to college
Mother finished college
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
Were read children’s books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively-I'm from the South...this will never happen in my lifetime. We are the last condoned prejudice. No one thinks its offensive to make fun of us.
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school
Went to summer camp
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels-we went to Disney World once.
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down
There was original art in your house when you were a child
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
You had your own room as a child But I didn't have any siblings at home
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
Went on a cruise with your family
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up-only school related trips
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family


Now to answer for my kids. Some answers are predcitions
Father went to college
Father finished college
Mother went to college
Mother finished college
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers since we homeschool. ;)
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
Were read children’s books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively-Poor Southern boys.
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs They have college funds
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school
Went to summer camp
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down
There was original art in your house when you were a child
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
You had your own room as a child
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
Went on a cruise with your family
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

Interesting.

Funny from Sam

We went to visit this place. It's called "Lights of the South."

Just imagine a wooded forest filled with this sort of stuff and then hay rides, hot chocolate, roasted marshmallows, and a house to visit Santa.

It's the ultimate in Christmas lights.

Anyway...when we paid admission, we discovered that children under 5 were admitted free.

"Sam, you're free." I told the littlest one in our bunch.

"No," he yelled with an indignant tone, "I not 'free,' I'm FOUR!"

Oh....he was so offended that someone would suggest that he was "free."

The lady at the ticket counter got so tickled about he that she laughed loud and long. We're still laughing about it too.

The boy was free and four at the time. Don't bother explaining it to him though, he won't believe you.

I bet you thought I dropped off the face of the Earth didn't you

I didn't.
I'm still hanging on.

Christmas has come and gone but you can't tell from looking at my house. In fact, if you were to visit me, you'd think we were at the scene of a Toy Store/Laundromat explosion where a bunch of people apparently had a big dinner and did not clean the dishes before leaving.

Yeah....that sums it up.

The holidays were wonderful. Better than I could ever hope for. I think it was my best Christmas ever. Or as good as I could have without my Dad around.
We hosted this year and ZD's entire family came to visit. That's a first.
And we all had a great time.

We visited the big Christmas light place, we caroled, we made crafts, we got everything we needed and wanted...it was a great season.

And it was just what I needed. I feel renewed.
Now I'm ready to tackle a new year. I'm ready to pull up my britches and get back to my daily fight.

And I'm ready to relax finally and let myself have some fun.

Happy 2008! May you feel renewed, ready to fight the good fight, and have a little fun too.